Teaching Writing at LaGuardia

Resources for Faculty


Group Revision Activity by Candace Elise Hoes

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Assignment Note

The sample student reflection is not included below. Candace suggests that in using this activity, instructors use this activity with a student reflection from their own courses.

Context

On page 2, you will find a student’s reflection from the end of ENG 102.  Like you, the student was asked to reflect upon what they knew at the beginning of the class versus what they had learned by the end of it.

This essay could use some revision to make it stronger, clearer, and more memorable.  

Just like in the Peer Review process, the goal of this activity is to learn what improvements can be made on our own essays by making corrections on the work of others.

After completing the revision activity, look over your own reflection essay.  Use the same strategies to make changes to your reflection and future essays.

Instructions

As a group, we will walk through the steps of the Revision Strategy Tip Sheet together.

  1. First, we will take turns reading aloud, going paragraph by paragraph.  As you read aloud, we will correct any typos and grammatical errors.
  2. Next, we will think about the essay’s structure and rearrange as needed.
  3. Then, we will add details that will make the essay come to life.
  4. Lastly, we will delete any redundancies that are reducing the impact of the writing.

Revision Strategy Tip Sheet

Instructions

Below, you’ll find the same strategies and suggestions that we used to edit a student’s reflection essay as a part of our Zoom Activity for the day.

Ask yourself the same questions to help you make revisions on your reflection for tonight, as well as revisions on essays that you’ll write in the future.

Revision Strategy 1 – Read Aloud to Check for Errors

First, before making any changes, read the essay aloud to yourself.

This is a helpful strategy for revising your own work.  Reading your essay aloud after you’ve written it can help you identify any places where the words may trip you up or catch any typos that you have made.

Revision Strategy 2 – Rearrange for Clarity and Effect

First, think about the structure of a reflection, and essays in general, that we learned in class.  Here are some hints for places to rearrange:

  1. Where should the thesis statement go?
  2. How many paragraphs should there be?
  3. What details should be grouped into which paragraphs?

Revision Strategy 3 – Add Details

After you’ve decided what should go where, consider what needs to be added to enhance the story.  Remember, all essays need to include evidence to support the main argument.  In an analytical essay, it is in the form of quotes from sources.  In a reflection essay, it’s in the form of memorable experiences.  Here are some hints for details to add:

  1. How can you fix reflection to be more specific to the writer’s story rather than making generalizations about other people?
  2. Does the student include details about both who they were before the class and after the class?
  3. What kind of images (descriptions that evoke the 5 senses) can be added to make this reflection more memorable?
  4. What should you include in the conclusion of a reflection essay?

Revision Strategy 4 – Delete the Unnecessary

Lastly, look for places of redundancy that can be removed.  Here are some hints for deletions and replacements:

  1. Look for any words that the student uses more than once, and try to replace them with more specific concepts.  For example, a word like “helping” could be replaced with ideas such as “tutoring” and “motivating” depending on the context.
  2. Delete and/or replace parts of sentences where the student repeats themselves in almost the exact same words as earlier in the essay.
  3. Remove any sentences where it seems like the student is getting off-topic, such as when they write about other people and not themselves.
  4. Shorten any sentences that are so long that it’s difficult to understand the student’s point.
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